This blog is about my reaction to words we run into every day. At different times in our lives even simple words mean different things. My wish is that when you read my blog you feel something you did not feel before and motivate yourself toward something new.

Ego

by Motivation on July 10, 2017

EgoYour ego is made up of what you know about you, holding memories of both good and bad events, and of people who have disappointed you and people with which you’ve shared joy. The ego can hold a lot of information and can keep us stuck when we’re communicating. The ego looks to control things. It’s got all this information and thinks it can fix things.

Clients often tell me, “I want to get her to…” “I need him to…” “We can reward this team when they finally…”

In an improv workshop a few weeks ago, two of my fellow improvisers provided a great example of how we can address this.   The first improviser walked into the scene and holding her cheek (looking like she was in pain) and said, “The dentist was a killer…”

The second actor heard something different and said, “The dentist was killed?”

As the actor holding her cheek was about to correct her and say, “No, that’s not what I said,” the director whispered…

“Say YES…”

When she said “yes” the second line was, “YES! I was sitting in the chair and some crazy person walked in and killed him! Now my mouth is a mess because he couldn’t finish!”

We howled! It was a lot funnier to hear the unexpected outcome rather than hear someone steer the scene with the exchange she planned.

THIS is your ego in YOUR exchanges with others. Ego drives us to govern the scenes we enter in our lives. When we do this we miss the opportunity to see something new.

When clients tell me “I want her to…I need him to…this team really needs to…” I ask them to consider what they’re missing while they wait for what they want.

Whether you like it or not, your ego it is part of you. There is a way for you to communicate with your ego and direct it more often than it directs you.

Three ways to Say YES and move past your Ego:

1.) Trust the Silence. When we get what we want, we’re satisfied. When we wait for what we want, we’re frustrated. Learn to trust that the time in between things happening is there to build the trust you have in you and the people in your orbit.

2.) Re-evaluate top tasks. If people around you are not delivering, maybe you need to communicate a simpler list and/or simpler desired outcomes. Simple is the key word here. You may not need what you think you need.

3.) Know what you fear. Your ego is trying to control your exposure to the things you fear. When you know what you fear, you’ll be more mindful in the spaces where fear presents itself. This is a great time to pause before you speak and take in what you need to learn.

It’s natural to have a strong ego. You’ll become an agile communicator when you’re aware of how your ego leads. You’ll generate interest by the people around you because you’ll sound open. You’ll be encouraging. You’ll be approachable.

You may end up FIXING yourself and attracting more than you imagined FIXING would produce!

For more YES communications work, explore my one-on-one YES words training page.

 

{ Be the first to comment }

Growing

by Motivation on April 25, 2017

lemon-tree-container-11-550x830A few months ago my cousin returned from a weekend away with some of her closest friends and when I asked her how it was, she said, “It was perfect.” I asked what made it perfect, she said, “We’re all still growing.”  “Still growing” was the equivalent of perfect. I couldn’t agree more.

This is the time of year when things grow right before our eyes. I have a lemon tree and I realized in December it didn’t look as robust as the lemon trees I was seeing in pictures. Some of the leaves were turning brown and there weren’t as many lemons popping up. My lemon tree wasn’t growing the way it should.

When I researched the problem I discovered it needed more direct sun than I was giving it and that when I watered it, I needed to saturate the soil a few inches down. So I have started loosening up the soil before watering and moved the plant into direct sun.

The change in only a month with the new location and new watering routine is remarkable. More buds for leaves and even a few flower buds!

It’s growing!

That’s how we grow. We replant. Look at things from a different perspective and change the way we take in physical and mental nourishment.  Consider the proverbial leaves on your tree. Do you feel the way you want to feel? Are new things coming out of you? Are you feeling you could grow faster?

Communication is the first place we can start to uncover all the ways we can grow.
Start by asking yourself…

Am I communicating in a way that makes it easy for people to communicate with me? Am I communicating in ways that express my wants & needs? Am I communicating in a way that has a positive effect on those in both my professional and personal life?

With clients in my Communcations Training we focus on:

  • What to say
  • How to speak up
  • When to listen

You know you’re on the path to growing when…

  • You speak of plans, not excuses
  • You have realizations, not regrets
  • You understand where you’ve been and regularly make room for where you are going.

My cousin discovered this perfect moment while she was with friends she loved on a vacation together. This is a signal that sometimes we need to get out of our space to re-discover what is growing. You can find the better place to grow within yourself. You don’t need to buy anything or even move much.  Your version of perfect (like my cousin’s) may be closer than you thought.

Save

Save

Save

Save

{ Be the first to comment }

Offer

January 11, 2017

Christmas Eve morning I woke up at 4:30 from a GREAT dream. My subconscious was so active that when I woke up I felt like I was finishing an actual conversation I was having in real time and I felt really motivated. I dreamt that Lin Manuel Miranda, the creator of “Hamilton” The Musical (as […]

Read the full article →

Simple

December 19, 2016

We are all very different and yet, we all want the same things. We want to be happy and feel successful. Getting to this seems much harder than it’s ever been before. We’re having a hard time because there are more places than ever to communicate. We’re posting, emailing, texting, talking on our phones. We’re […]

Read the full article →

Formula

October 26, 2016

I am often asked how I grew such a network of people and how I get the speakers for my networking dinners. How did I land Ryan Smith, Head of Global Human Resources for GE Business Innovations, overseeing 20,000 people? How did I turn guest Lt. Gen. Mills into a regular coaching client? How did […]

Read the full article →

Conversation

July 26, 2016

The messages of conflict presented to us in the news every day may keep us from feeling like we have control over what happens in our lives.  Now more than ever, we need to uncover ways to communicate successfully. I said YES to an invitation to speak alongside the former President of Planned Parenthood, Gloria […]

Read the full article →

Time

July 7, 2016

There are events in life that present themselves over and over again and there are events in life that happen only once. This past month, I watched my oldest son graduate from high school and attend his college orientation. These milestones went off without a hitch, but not without some struggle and a lot of […]

Read the full article →

Sorry

April 15, 2016

I recently had a meltdown and caused a scene in front of my children in reaction to something their father – my former significant other – said to me. I am not proud of the way I yelled and lost my temper. I am not proud of how long it took me to pull myself […]

Read the full article →

Love

February 13, 2016

You can love anything. You can love a day of the week, you can love a particular kind of food, you can love a song and you can love a sound. You can love anything. Love is available to you in every space you enter. I encourage my clients to tap into the way they […]

Read the full article →

Brief

December 15, 2015

In the past week, two clients told me they would like to develop the skill of “being brief”.  They feel they talk too much therefore sounding less confident when they communicate. Mastering and knowing when to activate this skill can mean closing an important deal or simply empowering a colleague or someone we love to […]

Read the full article →