by Motivation on July 10, 2017

EgoYour ego is made up of what you know about you, holding memories of both good and bad events, and of people who have disappointed you and people with which you’ve shared joy. The ego can hold a lot of information and can keep us stuck when we’re communicating. The ego looks to control things. It’s got all this information and thinks it can fix things.

Clients often tell me, “I want to get her to…” “I need him to…” “We can reward this team when they finally…”

In an improv workshop a few weeks ago, two of my fellow improvisers provided a great example of how we can address this.   The first improviser walked into the scene and holding her cheek (looking like she was in pain) and said, “The dentist was a killer…”

The second actor heard something different and said, “The dentist was killed?”

As the actor holding her cheek was about to correct her and say, “No, that’s not what I said,” the director whispered…

“Say YES…”

When she said “yes” the second line was, “YES! I was sitting in the chair and some crazy person walked in and killed him! Now my mouth is a mess because he couldn’t finish!”

We howled! It was a lot funnier to hear the unexpected outcome rather than hear someone steer the scene with the exchange she planned.

THIS is your ego in YOUR exchanges with others. Ego drives us to govern the scenes we enter in our lives. When we do this we miss the opportunity to see something new.

When clients tell me “I want her to…I need him to…this team really needs to…” I ask them to consider what they’re missing while they wait for what they want.

Whether you like it or not, your ego it is part of you. There is a way for you to communicate with your ego and direct it more often than it directs you.

Three ways to Say YES and move past your Ego:

1.) Trust the Silence. When we get what we want, we’re satisfied. When we wait for what we want, we’re frustrated. Learn to trust that the time in between things happening is there to build the trust you have in you and the people in your orbit.

2.) Re-evaluate top tasks. If people around you are not delivering, maybe you need to communicate a simpler list and/or simpler desired outcomes. Simple is the key word here. You may not need what you think you need.

3.) Know what you fear. Your ego is trying to control your exposure to the things you fear. When you know what you fear, you’ll be more mindful in the spaces where fear presents itself. This is a great time to pause before you speak and take in what you need to learn.

It’s natural to have a strong ego. You’ll become an agile communicator when you’re aware of how your ego leads. You’ll generate interest by the people around you because you’ll sound open. You’ll be encouraging. You’ll be approachable.

You may end up FIXING yourself and attracting more than you imagined FIXING would produce!

For more YES communications work, explore my one-on-one YES words training page.


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